Shit

it’s not at all what i wanted,

i am more than ready to begin to carry my own damn weight

around here,

i don’t understand people that want to be children their whole lives,

i like being responsible for myself,

i am better off in control of my own life,

i just want to be able to take care of myself,

a bit of control over my own life,

and a task before me, that i can work at,

take pride in, and reliably be rewarded for such dedication,

i want to work hard,

i don’t know any other way to work,

and i don’t like having idle hands.

i am ready to have a 9 to 5. I’ve been a grown up since i was a child.

Let me work for what i am worth.

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Stubborn

i am not a mountain,

i am a forest fire,

i sprint over the obstacles,

crack, and melting under heat,

smoking out the way home,

and the road forward,

a mountain outlasts you,

i swallow you whole,

and go beyond you,

still burning.

even if i don’t know the way,

i intend to go somewhere.

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Year Two

the things we accomplish

are stolen from you,

the hours of your days,

and the people you bled for

walk away,

they get in a car to go pick up cigarettes

and they never come home

and if there is still time

to be who i want to,

if you could please tell me where to begin,

and help me try to stand again,

hope is expensive,

it costs hydrogen,

time,

and silence,

here i am burning raw matter,

and grey matter,

cooking myself inside out,

hoping…

is it who i really am

that walks back out when

the petty shit is burned away?

or will i be the same man with

scorched skin?

would i be someone else entirely?

would i be able to walk at all?

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Crumbles

granola bar in bed,

where he is warm, and vulnerable

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I’m not even supposed to be here!

I’m not even supposed to be this person!

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in my fever

in my fever brain,

i lived inside a funeral pyre,

and she was the October Night Winds on my face

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Starlight

Ahh shit!

Too bright!

Why did I look at it?

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