but nobody helped you with those bootstraps either?
it’s not at all what i wanted,
i am more than ready to begin to carry my own damn weight
i don’t understand people that want to be children their whole lives,
i like being responsible for myself,
i am better off in control of my own life,
i just want to be able to take care of myself,
a bit of control over my own life,
and a task before me, that i can work at,
take pride in, and reliably be rewarded for such dedication,
i want to work hard,
i don’t know any other way to work,
and i don’t like having idle hands.
i am ready to have a 9 to 5. I’ve been a grown up since i was a child.
Let me work for what i am worth.
i am not a mountain,
i am a forest fire,
i sprint over the obstacles,
crack, and melting under heat,
smoking out the way home,
and the road forward,
a mountain outlasts you,
i swallow you whole,
and go beyond you,
even if i don’t know the way,
i intend to go somewhere.
the things we accomplish
are stolen from you,
the hours of your days,
and the people you bled for
they get in a car to go pick up cigarettes
and they never come home
and if there is still time
to be who i want to,
if you could please tell me where to begin,
and help me try to stand again,
hope is expensive,
it costs hydrogen,
here i am burning raw matter,
and grey matter,
cooking myself inside out,
is it who i really am
that walks back out when
the petty shit is burned away?
or will i be the same man with
would i be someone else entirely?
would i be able to walk at all?
granola bar in bed,
where he is warm, and vulnerable
I’m not even supposed to be this person!
in my fever brain,
i lived inside a funeral pyre,
and she was the October Night Winds on my face